Middle Sized Fishies in a Very Small Pond.

Actors are to do what they're told. You're not the costumer, you're not the set designer, you're not the director. No one is getting paid so quit bitching. (I have to look at that costume, I don't like it)

It has come to my attention that there are probably more divas in community theater than on Broadway. The reason I think this happens is because community theater consists of many, very VERY small ponds. So when people get leads (and especially repetitive leads) they tend to think they have become a bigger fish than others. Because of the small nature of this hobby, any elevation is taken to the extreme. It's sickening.

When it comes right down to brass tacks, there is a hierarchy in theater: and actors aren't at the top. Sure, they get the most recognition. Sure, they put in a lot of work. But very few people in this hobby actually get paid. So maybe actors should be grateful someone spent his whole weekend, and most of his weekdays building them a set and not complain that it doesn't look or isn't set up the way they thought it would be. Maybe they should say "Thank you" to the costumer who puts in six to eight hours a night buying, altering and making their costumes from scratch. I had an actress say to me, "Well the costumer hasn't done anything for me. I had to get all my costumes myself." I'm sorry....who are you? One actor out of a cast of twenty? This isn't a one-man show, sweetie, and may I reiterate that the costumer isn't getting paid for making twenty costumes...so maybe you should offer to get your own costumes and take the burden off of someone, instead of being a diva and stamping your foot. I heard another actor say, "I don't like X's costume, and I have to look at it." EXCUSE ME?! You don't like what you have to look at? That same actor then told me "I am trying to stay away from the drama of egos." Yeeeah.....by being right in the middle of it. Another actor cried because she didn't like the set. My suggestion would be that she take her weekends and build it herself next time.

Yes, gentle readers, I'm bitching. But a few bad apples can make the entire barrel a lot less fun. Have I had my diva moments? Probably.

But when all is said and done, actors need to do as their told. I LOVE collaborative theater. Where an actor says, "Can we try it this way?" or "I have a dress I think will work." or "What if the door opened the other way, then such and such might be easier". Many heads come up with solutions that one head might not have thought up. And it's great when the director/costumer/set designer says "Sure, try it." BUT

BUT

if the director/costumer/set designer says "no"....actors need to get over their egos, and realize their place in the grand picture. They are a cog in the wheel that makes the whole machine run. And that machine runs smoother and we all have more fun when we are helping each other. Not throwing fits to get our own way.

If you want to wear what you want, go where you want, and be on furniture you want.....go home. Go shopping for your personal clothes and home decor. This is theater. And you aren't in charge. Your job is to stand where the director tells you to, wear what the costumer gives you, and stand on the set the designer builds. This is not real life, and I'm sorry if it doesn't look the way you want it to. This is fantasy. And everyone's fantasies are happier without complaints.

Getting Upstaged

Getting upstaged is a common expression in the theater. It can happen figuratively, but I'm going to talk about it figuratively.

Right here in this picture is a great example of what you SHOULD do if there is an actor downstage of you. See how the actress in blue is still visible? She knows to shift her body weight on the sofa so that the audience can still see her, even though the actress in black is downstage. (Please view my earlier post titled "Upstage, Downstage" if you're unfamiliar with these terms.)

It is important to remember that it is the upstage actor's job to make sure he can be seen. The downstage actor is probably speaking, he may be facing out to the audience, he may be reacting to something. Most assuredly, he's got his back to you people who are upstage. In that case, since he's probably busy, and doesn't have eyes in the back of his head, this is wh

y the upstage actor can't blame the downstage actor for blocking him. He can't see you! Just counter and shift naturally so that you can be seen by the audience.

Now this is a bad example. See how there's the skirt and shoes of the upstage actress, but you can't see her face? If she had just scootched left or right, she wouldn't be upstaged.

So know you know! Stay visible out there!

Stage Voices

Good day Gentle Readers,

Today's blog is a call for help. I don't have an answer for this one. But I have noticed a phenomenon of stage voices. It's when people put on a fake voice when they're onstage. And it's usually the same voice no matter what the character is.

I know two women who change their voice into this falsetto screeching. Maybe they think it's dramatic? I know two men who put on an English accent. Maybe they think they sound posh? I know another woman who puts on a baby-voice. Maybe she thinks it's sexy? I know another man whose voice turns into a nasally whine onstage. I have no idea what he thinks he's doing.

I don't know. But I know that all of these people have very normal, lovely voices during rehearsals and when I talk to them offstage. WHY do they have this affectation when onstage????

Double Trouble

A note on double-teaming. This goes for double-casting and double directing: It never works.

When you have two directors....their vision is rarely in sync, so they give conflicting notes. And like good parents, they should present a unified front to their children. The cast gets frustrated when director A tells them one thing and director B tells them something else. Also, they really should confer on their notes before they give them to the cast so they don't disagree in front of the cast. It's a little awkward.

As far as double casting goes? I'm never, ever, ever for it. Some people say you should double cast children. I say, if this is the hobby they've chosen, they should know what they're getting into. And it requires late nights and time management. If little Susie can't hack it, she needs to go to ballet instead.

So...yeah. Also, there is never enough rehearsal time. The non-doubled actors have more strain because they have had half as much time rehearsing with the doubled-actors. They never know what to expect. And the doubled-actors have to work twice as hard to catch up. Also, the rest of the cast knows who's the better of the doubled-actors so someone winds up feeling shunned. It's just never a good idea.

So I ask, why bother?!?!? It just creates more work and frustration for everyone involved.

Doors and Sardines

"If we can just get through the play once tonight - for doors and sardines. That's what it's all about, doors and sardines. Getting on, getting off. Getting the sardines on, getting the sardines off. That's farce. That's - that's the theatre. That's life." ~ Noises Off

If you're a theater person, you've probably seen Noises Off. And if you haven't, stop reading my blog and go watch it right now. It's hysterical. It's my favorite comic play. But anyway....

Sometimes directors and actors get bogged down in details. They tell you not to raise your arm, or raise your arm on THAT WORD.....making the poor actor feel like a robot instead of a person, let alone an artist.

Sometimes, it's the actors who can't see the forest for the trees.

I can't tell you how many times during the rehearsal process for the play I'm currently in I've heard "Where's the door?" And then the director will walk onto the "set" (which is really just taped off sections of the floor in the church where we rehearse) and point to where the door is on the floor......only to have the actor ask "And does it open in or out?"

Dude......wait, before I fly off the handle, let me say that I mean no disrespect, and I don't mean to sound flip but....

Aren't we all adults? Don't we walk through doors every day? Does this actor wake up in the morning and think "Oh my god, I'm going to walk through doors today and I DON"T KNOW WHICH WAY THEY OPEN RIGHT NOW!!!!!" ?

I doubt it. I bet when he comes to the door, he just opens it.

Which is why I do not understand why actors get flustered about this during rehearsals. If you're rehearsing in a church basement.....there's no door, there's probably no furniture you're really going to be using on set either, and heads up, there aren't any props, or costumes or audience.....so why would you worry about the door swinging in or out at this point? When the set gets built, you'll see the door and you'll figure out how to open it. Trust me. You're a big boy. You put your pants on every morning and you face the world. I don't think a non-existent door on a non-existent set is anything to waste the rest of the actors' time with.

Just learn your lines and focus on your character and the doors will sort themselves out when they're built.

So yeah.....everybody take a deep breath and enjoy the forest without picking on every single tree. Your cast will appreciate it.

Upstage, Downstage

I'm back with another fun day of theater help. Today's Topic: Stage directions

No, not those pesky things written in italics in your script. Though I should write about them as well. I mean when your director says "Move upstage" or "Cross to right stage" and you look at him with that deer-in-the-spotlight look because....you don't know where to go!

No problem, gentle readers. I'm here to help.

As we can see by our handy-dandy illustration....this can be confusing. The first rule to remember is: Directions are to be followed from the point of view from the actor onstage. So when you're onstage and your director tells you to walk to stage right, you walk towards YOUR right. (That's the hand that doesn't make the L when you hold them up.) Nevermind what the audience would think. This is all about you, baby!

Now we come to that upstage/downstage thing. This is where it gets interesting. "Back in the day" y'know the 17th and 18th Centuries....maybe B.C..... stages were actually tilted down towards the audiences. That way the chorus people in the back could still be seen. They weren't tilted much, maybe only a grade of a few inches. But it helped! So nowadays when we say "upstage" we mean the back of the stage, which was "up" from the front! Likewise, "downstage" means the front of the stage, or the part that is lowest.

Make sense?

No?

Maybe you should gift yourself this t-shirt then, for help:

Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold Em

So, I'm back in another play and I thought it was high time to pick up my theater ramblings again. Tonight's theme: know when you're the wrong age to play a part.

Now, there are times when it's alright to grossly miscast someone in a part they are too old or too young to play. And those are: high school and college. These are places and times when the casting pool has only a three-year age range so everyone has to play up or down in their age range. And it's expected. And costuming, makeup and a darn good director (who can coach the actors on walk and mannerisms) can help with showing a greater range of ages than there are in the cast. Case in point: my high school did The Crucible. And the girl playing Rebecca Nurse was actually younger than the girl playing Abigail. No problem. It was high school. You can get away with it there.

Oh look, they're all the same age!

But in the real world, and yes, I'm calling community theater the real world, the audition pool is mercifully larger than your high school drama club's. Old men can be played by, get this, old men! Middle age mothers can be played by....any guesses? Middle aged women! And ingenues can be played by teenaged girls.

Ahhh....all is right with the world.

Or is it?

Ladies and gentlemen. Take a good look at your driver's license. I know the picture isn't flattering, but it is honest. If you look like an old man, you can't play young heartthrobs. If you look like a middle-aged mother, you can't play ingenues. I don't care how much vocal training, make up, wigs, or working out you do. You look too old for some parts out there. I have yet to meet a director in community theater who can direct well enough to get a mediocre actor to give such a stellar performance that the audience believed he was markedly older or younger than he really was.

Luckily, we have old women who audition for Rebecca Nurse in community theater productions of The Crucible. And we have teenagers who audition for Abigail.

Middle-aged women and men, ya need to be honest with yourselves and realize, you need to start putting away the dreams of playing Gypsy or Brick, and you're gonna have to audition for Mama Rose or Big Daddy. If you're a parent in real life, chances are you can't play the child onstage.

Which brings me to ingenues. Yes, I still thought I could play Liesl in The Sound of Music until I was 24. I held onto that dream, because I thought I was young enough, talented enough, and gosh-darn it. People liked me! But then I saw my friend play Liesl and she was 14. *gulp* I realized then and there that I had outgrown one of my dream roles. Because I couldn't compete, at 24, with the *acutal* dewey-eyed, naïveté of a real teenager! Ah well. Time for me to audition for Sister Margarettta in my twenties.

Yes, it was hard for even me to put some roles up on the Roles That Got Away Shelf. It was hard. It was hard to tell myself "Hey, you're not a sweet, young thing anymore. Let the pretty parts go to the pretty young girls." But I did. And I'm better off for it, because there are better parts for twenty- and thirty-somethings out there than the one-dimensional ingenues.

OMG look! An adult playing an adult, and children playing children! Will wonders never cease?

The only thing sadder than people not realizing when they're too old for a part, is directors who continually miscast them. Because they're only perpetuating the empty dream. But that's another blog post.

Let it go. You'll be ok.